00:03
Hey everyone, it's Mikki here. You're listening to Mini Mikkipedia. And today I wanna chat about why people comment on your food and what can you say in response. I think this is something that so many of us have experienced and we can feel super awkward in the moment. For what it's worth, most people in my profession, not all, most would never comment on what you eat if you're in our company. One, I think because

00:31
so many people actually comment on what we eat or we don't need to say anything because people comment on what they eat around us. Sort of as a, I suppose a nod to the fact that we're a nutritionist and we might potentially judge them. And of course the reality is, is that no one is perfect and I've never tried to show or illustrate that I have a perfect diet or I expect that of other people. But more importantly, if I'm sitting down with someone and I'm enjoying a meal, I'm enjoying the

01:00
company and the conversation and I'm not silently judging what they eat. Unless it's my mother, to be honest, I probably am. Anyway, all joking aside, we've all experienced the unhelpful, sometimes awkward, often passive aggressive comments people make about what we're eating or we're not eating. You know, and I have this conversation in my membership groups and someone mentioned in the group that one of their colleagues was like, come on, just eat it at a morning tea.

01:30
Or someone else, a friend of mine, mentioned that someone made a remark that wasn't directed at her, but it was definitely about her and her food choices. And albeit this was from someone who is in fact a dietitian, which I was pretty interesting. So ultimately, I think the first thing to appreciate is when people say these things, it's very rarely about you and your choice, ultimately. And you don't actually have to worry.

01:57
what they think. And of course I'm going to say that, but we all worry about what other people will think. The comments, they're more a reflection of them and their choices. And I'm just going to outline some of what these choices are, what the reasons are for making these sort of comments. So the first one is that your choice makes them feel judged, even when it doesn't. So by saying no to a cake, you're not judging anyone else's food choice to say yes.

02:23
but it can still feel like that to them. Your restraint can unintentionally highlight their lack of it. And instead of sitting with that discomfort, they push it onto you, saying things like, oh, come on, just one bite. Oh, just eat it. Or, you know, I made this especially. And I'm not going to suggest that they having cake is a lack of self-control. And in fact, people who are super comfortable with their food choices very rarely care about what you're doing. It's typically those that don't feel that

02:53
great about what they're doing that seek to illustrate the weirdness or awkwardness of others around them, even if they're not doing it intentionally. The second reason is that food is a social glue. So in a workplace or a family setting, food is often how people bond. So declining it can feel sort of to them like you're rejecting the moment, even when that's not your intention. That pressure to just join in is really a request to not make this awkward.

03:21
Also, I probably don't need to tell you that this is their judgment and their reflection on the moment. And it is definitely not a reason for you to eat the cake or join in in the morning tea just to make someone else feel better. People just don't like feeling uncomfortable. And it's hard for others to appreciate that. In fact, a morning tea is often more, it's an excuse to get together, but getting together is the thing. It's not the food itself, but of course,

03:50
in today's modern day environment, or even not the modern day environment, just forever, food has been part of that social culture. Third reason, people think you're depriving yourself, and they look at you making decisions around your food is about you being restrictive and not about you showing cognitive restraint. Because there is this idea that saying no to food equals being on a miserable, punishing diet. They want you to live a little, but it's based on their assumption that you're suffering.

04:19
Ultimately, you're not suffering, you're just choosing. And I think this is really an important thing for you to remember if you're in this situation. And of course, a couple of months ago, I did a mini podcast episode on cognitive restraint and reminding yourself why you're doing what you're doing. And if you struggle with this, with saying no to people, with wanting to fit in, or that overarching sort of feeling of scarcity, absolutely listen to that cognitive restraint episode that I recorded a couple of months ago.

04:49
Fourthly, and I mentioned this already, that sometimes people are just projecting their own guilt. So their comment is about their inner conflict. They want the cake, but they feel guilty for eating it, which is a terrible way to feel. Like no one should ever associate food and guilt as sort of go hand in hand, but of course they do. You not eating it gives them nowhere to hide. So they try to recruit you to eat it too, not to sabotage you, but to feel better about themselves.

05:17
And I remember having this conversation with a friend actually that she would say, and this was, know, in our thirties, that she would get together with these two other friends of ours. And ultimately the main thing that they would do is eat junk food and talk about their body weight. And this is all that they spent their time doing. And she really liked these girls, but in the end she had to say, but I can't be around this because I feel like it's really destructive both to.

05:42
the way I feel about myself, but the overall sort of food focus because when you were in that moment, it was an almost ah, screw it sort of moment, you know, like worry about this tomorrow type moment. And in that space, it's very easy to not actually engage in the eating behavior in a way that means you eat to feel satisfied and often it ends up being a binge feast actually. And this was what it was like for her. So if someone is,

06:11
asking you to come along for the ride, even though it might feel like they're trying to sabotage you, most people are actually just trying to feel better about themselves and their behaviour. And you know, sometimes people just don't know your reasons for choosing to eat differently. And you don't have to share that with them. Whether it's gut issues, fat loss, blood sugar, or just simply not wanting it, it doesn't have to be up for public discussion. But some people do feel entitled to an explanation. Or worse, they're going to fill in those gaps themselves.

06:40
Albeit again, that isn't your business. What they say, even if it's about you, is not your business. That is a hard one to remember. And believe you me, I struggle with that. If you got my download on that Boston Marathon thing, you already know this. And of course, there's also side commentary, right? You know the one. Standing nearby and someone says, not to you, but loudly enough that you hear it, oh, I could never do keto. I just love food too much. Or,

07:08
Gosh, some people get so obsessed with their healthy eating. It's a bit much, don't you think? Or, man, I just couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to get a bun with their burger. That's a good one, isn't it? It's not said to you, but it is about you. And again, it can sting. This isn't just awkward. It's actually, it's a form of social control. They're signaling to others in the group that your behavior is outside the norm and subtly inviting judgment or disapproval. Now, we don't know where this comes from, you know?

07:37
Again, it is coming from that person's discomfort as to the choice you're making, but it has nothing to do with them. It's also a way to maintain group comfort. You're making a different choice, whether that's skipping dessert, getting a bunless burger, bringing your own lunch. They can feel that it threatens a status quo. And to that point, people feel deeply uncomfortable. And you know, just since we're at it, other common unhelpful food comments can include, oh, it's just one piece, come on.

08:07
You're being so good, I could never do that. You don't need to lose weight. Side note, because of course any food decision is always about losing weight, it can never be about health. And classic, you're no fun anymore. Whether it's dressed as concern, a compliment or a joke, it's still commentary on your body or your choices and quite frankly, that's just not okay.

08:29
I think the real key is how do you respond to it? You of course can control your feelings and over time learn skills that help you deal with people's response to your behavior. You know, that's deep inner work, but the response in the moment doesn't have to educate or justify. It's just really setting boundaries about what people can and can't say and how you choose to engage or not. So you can just be polite and firm. I'm good, thanks. This works for me. Confident, I'm just.

08:58
choosing to eat this today. And if they push, you could say, I'd love it if we didn't make food choice a group conversation. Like actually just put them on the spot. They're the ones that are drawing attention to what you're doing. There is no reason why you can't draw attention to the inappropriateness of their comments. I appreciate that it takes a certain personality to do that. However, know that it is a choice. And if you decide to say that, good on you. That's amazing.

09:25
And I think it was a, for whatever reason, it feels courageous even saying it out loud, but you will feel so good once you've done it. And remember, it's not rude. You're being intentional. If someone else is uncomfortable with it, it's really theirs to carry. Other things you could say is redirect the conversation. Like just sort of make a joke. Oh, well, that's tempting. Not today. How's your week going? Deflect the conversation. And you could also say, hey, I appreciate it, but I'm good. This choice supports my goals.

09:54
and then again move on. A simple, thanks, but I'm good is another one. And just repeat it. Just you don't have to engage in the conversation. And of course, you could also say, hey, can we not make what I eat a thing? I'd rather just enjoy the chat and the company. Of course, I'm saying these out like I'm reading from a script because I am, and it's choosing some of these and finding what's gonna work in your language and the way that you would say them. Importantly though is you in the moment,

10:22
staying grounded to your choices because it's very easy to be swayed and then ultimately you end up feeling bad after when you didn't make a choice that aligned with your initial goals. Not always. Sometimes you're like, do I want it? Yeah, I do. Amazing. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation. If you do start to second guess yourself though, come back to remind yourself that you're not choosing restriction, you're choosing alignment. You're not missing out. You're moving towards your end goal.

10:51
Also remember, you can eat whatever food it is, anytime that you like. It's not like food is scarce. You do not need a scarcity mindset around it. Remind yourself that. The other thing is that very rarely decisions made on how we feel in the moment are very rarely the decisions we would make if we were to pause and think about what we truly wanted. And you can't forget that. That's a logical brain sort of kicking in, which can be difficult in the moment.

11:18
Giving in might feel easier at that time, but actually sticking to your choice does build trust with yourself. So over time, you will have more confidence saying no, and you won't think that it's a big deal. But when you're beginning and starting these sort of conversations with people, it can feel like a really big deal to turn down food or to, in your head, disappoint someone. Again, it's not yours to carry, but every time that you stick to the choice that you make, you're getting a rep.

11:47
you're building confidence and you're changing the way you behave and your brain will register that and this is how inner transformation works. It's not the choice itself. I mean, sort of, of course it is, but it's your brain deciding and then sticking to it. You can trust yourself. You have to back yourself and remember that in your head, you've already made the decision and now you're just following through with it. This is where planning and prepping is really important and having some sort of like scripts or mantras of

12:17
available for you so in the moment you know what to say and you don't have to second guess that or you don't get pulled into a conversation about it or ultimately change your decision. Of course you can change your decision to decide you do want it but very rarely is that the case and often it's more peer pressure than anything. And remember one choice doesn't make or break your progress and that is the thing. It can though build your belief that you can do hard things. So don't forget that it is

12:46
ultimately always going to be easier to actually just eat something if someone says, just eat it. Or if someone makes a snide comment about the way that you eat, it really can feel easier just to cave to avoid conflict or awkwardness. But you don't need to make yourself uncomfortable to make someone else feel comfortable. So do just remember that. And importantly, remember your bigger why. So before you get yourself into a food-precious setting, morning tea, social drinks, family dinner,

13:16
Ask yourself, what are you working towards right now? What choice will help me feel proud later? Who do I want to be in this moment? Because this isn't just about managing food. You're not just on a diet. You're building your identity about the person that you wanna be. And I know that someone listening to this, many people will probably roll their eyes and go, come on, it's not that big a deal, but it actually is. Because the more you act in alignment with your goals, the more confidence you grow in your ability to make decisions that

13:45
take you closer towards the identity you're trying to build. And that's really important because anyone can follow a diet for eight weeks and lose weight, but it really does take digging a little deeper and doing the inner work to make that weight loss sustainable. And this kind of thing is always gonna come up and having strategies to deal with it so it is no longer a deal ultimately is super important. So next time someone says something like, oh, just eat it, or you hear

14:14
someone making a comment about the way that you're eating, take a breath, smile, ground yourself in your goals and remember you're not being rude, you're not obsessed, you're simply not inviting commentary on something that's none of their business. So you're owning your choices and there's no explanation required. All right team, because I get these questions so often, I just really wanted to put it all in one place. I hope that was helpful. Please let me know and absolutely I am talking more about this in a transformation.

14:44
in webinar that is taking place Wednesday week, 16th of July, 1pm and 7pm New Zealand time. would love for you to join me and I've got the details for the unlocking fat loss success and the show notes. It's free and it is being recorded and just in case you can't make it live. All right team, you have the best week. See you later.